Everyday, my kid sends me excellent vibes revealing that i’m probably not that bad of a mother. Of course, I’ll only know for sure what kind of mother I was only when I see the final result. When my son is fully grown up, he will probably let me know what I have done right and what I have done wrong. But for now, I’m just doing the best as I can by letting him be a kid.
My own mother was a very distraught one, hooked on valium half of her life and violent on a daily basis. Everything about her was unexpected. When she was nice and wanted to be my “friend”, I was so destabilized by her gratitude that I would throw myself in her arms as if this was my only chance of getting love. On the other hand, she could also surprise us – I have a brother too – with her explosive behavior that made us all beleive we were trapped in the deepest layers of hell. Despite all this, she did one thing that have surpassed all the bad things that she has done : she always told my brother and I that school was our own responsability and that we were going there for us not for her or our father. As far as I can remember, when I was in elementary school, I knew I was getting an education that would serve me right one day. I didn’t know that much more, but I knew that my good grades would not make me win a new bicycle at the end of the year. I knew I could be proud of my good grades for what they would bring me later in life. And this is how I stuck to school until I finished my graduate studies with a Master’s degree. All right, I’m not a surgeon or anything, but my master’s in History is something that I value very much today and I’m even able to make a living out of it.
So, as parents, we may not be perfect all the time. Mental illness can sometime get in the way, sometimes it’s a divorce, money problems, short temper, name it. As long as you are not beating up your kids or abusing them – every parents will probably do something really right for their offsprings. At least, I hope so.
All this to say that if we are average parents – not abusers or violent ones – we should maybe calm down a little bit and stop overdoing it to make sure our kids will be happy. We should’nt feel guilty if one day we slip and tell them off for some reason or if we cannot afford to buy this fancy doll house they dream about. An for new mothers, we know we all want to make the best we can to nurture and educate our kids properly but you don’t have to be in their back all of the time. Let them get all dirty in the sand box and do what kids should do. Kids don’t have to learn everything about life, go to expensive piano or figure skating lessons three times a week. Stop pushing so much pressure on yourself to be the perfect mother and let your kids be kids. So what if they don’t know how to play the piano at three? This way, you’ll probably give them the best gift of all : learn to be a child.
My point is that you will never be a perfect mother all of the time. Let’s just be mothers and talk to our kids and maybe they will pick up something valuable in what we try to teach them.
Filed under: Parenting | Leave a Comment
There, I said it. So now, you know what to expect : opinions.
For a little while now, I’ve been visiting “mom’s blogs” everywhere in the blogosphere and I’ve been very distraught by the “mommy wars” going on. I had to do something so I’m starting my own thing.
I am a mother, a working one too, and my three year old son goes to daycare. I believe men and women should be entitled to the freedom of choosing what suits best their needs as parents. Each of our children have different needs and if we are somewhat good ones, we will try to adapt or lifestyle to their needs. On the other hand, I also believe that we tend to make too much of a fuss about what makes us good caregivers. Children have a wonderful power of adapting themselves to their reality, good or bad. In the “mommy war” I stand in the middle : mothers at home can be as bad mothers as working ones can be good mothers and vice versa. My mom was a stay-at-home in the 1970s and it didn’t keep me from years in therapy! I mean, how many of us ended up unhappy because their mothers were unhappy? On the other hand, some working mothers probably traumatized some of their kids by “forgetting” them there too often for too long.
What I’m saying is that you can be an adequate mom whatever your choice is to stay at home or to work.
Filed under: mommy wars | Leave a Comment